When Your Boy Tells You He's Really A Girl

A friend linked us to this last week:

What Happens When Your Son Tells You He's Really A Girl

Bean has been insisting more and more than when he grows up, he's going to be a "mommy" or, sometimes, a "boy-girl." He's also told us he want to have nine children (all boys), but I think he might change his mind about that when he's older. ;)



So, while there's still the possibility that Bean doesn't understand that men can also have children when they grow up, we're not discounting the more likely outcome that he's going to want to be a girl/woman as he gets older. Especially since he's also mentioned that his penis is going to "go away" when he's a grown-up.

Bean: "And when me one grown-up, me penis go away."

GF: "You think it'll just go away?"

Bean: "Yup!"

GF: "I thought you really liked your penis?" (He's often told us it's his favourite body part)

Bean: *unconcernedly* "Yup."


The article is a good one for people who aren't at all familiar with trans kids, or kids who are gender fluid or gender creative. It presents it in a clear and informative manner, and the tone is one devoid judgment, which is nice.

What I really liked was the idea of kids being allowed to transition to the identity of their choice before hitting natural puberty, of never having to go through the particular psychological trauma and dysphoria of watching their body become something they don't recognise or want. This is taking place more and more, and I'm glad that the medical community is cooperating with parents who want what's best for their kids and are listening to their kids' needs.

This isn't something that affects us right away, but it is an issue that's important to us. Bean does still insist that he's a boy, but 9 times out of 10 he'll pick girl clothes and girl toys when he plays, and his reaction to most things is, well, pretty stereotypically girly. It's not that he doesn't like more typically boy things. He does like Cars (the movie), and he plays with cars and trucks and things. He also liked the Transformers water bottle he got in a friend's party favour bag. He just naturally gravitates toward the pink and purple and sparkly when given a choice, and "boy" things tend to get forgotten within about 24 hours, whereas he'll go back to the girl stuff over and over and over.

He spent a good hour yesterday playing with the Barbie house he got for Christmas, without interruption, which for him is saying something.

So, long story short, it looks like we might be in it for the long haul with Bean. What happens when your son tells you he's really a girl? Well, in our case, what will happen is pretty straightforward. Nothing will change for us, except that we'll take him to a doctor for whatever medical treatment he needs. We'll find support for him wherever he needs it.

It's funny, because it should feel like a big deal, and yet it really isn't. Not for us. Not yet, anyway.

In the meantime, we're letting Bean be Bean.